All The Feels...

The past week has given me...all the feels.

Our oldest son just turned 11.

The very next day, we packed his bags and dropped him off at church for his first youth camp.

Somewhere between celebrating his birthday and standing in the church gym giving him one last hug before he headed off to camp, I found myself asking, Where has the time gone?

Everyone tells you not to blink because your kids grow up so fast.

You smile, nod your head, and think you understand.

But then one day, you're standing in a church gym hugging your little boy goodbye before he heads off on his next adventure, and you realize they were right.

Time really does fly.

As I drove home, my mind kept drifting back to the day he was born.

After weeks of being closely monitored for preeclampsia, I was admitted to the hospital around 31 weeks. The next ten days were filled with blood pressure checks, ultrasounds, fetal monitoring, waiting, praying, and trusting God one day at a time. Of course there was still uncertainty, but there was also hope. We had already made it much further than we had with Alana, and every extra day felt like a gift.

Then, at 33 weeks, our little boy made his entrance into the world weighing just 4 pounds, 2 ounces.

I got to hold him for just a few precious moments before the NICU team gently took him from my arms. Those moments may have only lasted a short time, but they meant everything.

As they wheeled him to the NICU, Antwon and my dad followed right behind. They both knew one thing for certain—they weren't about to let that little boy out of their sight. While I stayed behind recovering, it brought me so much peace knowing he wasn't alone.

He spent the next 25 days in the NICU.

One of the greatest blessings was that he never needed breathing support. His lungs were strong from the very beginning. He simply needed to feed and grow.

That sounded simple enough...

Until we realized it wasn't.

As first-time NICU parents, it was hard to understand why taking a bottle seemed so difficult. We'd celebrate when he finished one feeding only to feel discouraged when the next didn't go nearly as well. We quickly learned that for premature babies, feeding takes incredible coordination and energy. They tire so easily.

One of our favorite NICU nurses would always smile and tell us, "One day the light bulb is going to click."

We held onto those words.

Around day 22, she was right.

Something clicked.

Almost overnight, he started taking his bottles consistently, and three days later we were packing him into his car seat and bringing our baby boy home.

Looking back now, I smile thinking about those words.

One day the light bulb is going to click.

This week, as we hugged him goodbye before camp, those words came flooding back to me.

For the last eleven years, Antwon and I have been planting seeds.

We've prayed with him.

Read God's Word together.

Answered hard questions.

Celebrated victories.

Walked through disappointments.

Tried our best to model what it looks like to follow Jesus—not perfectly, but authentically.

Now we're trusting God with the next step.

I'm praying this week becomes one of those defining moments in his life.

I'm praying he encounters Jesus in a personal way.

I'm praying the truths he's been taught take even deeper root.

I'm praying the gifts and talents God has placed inside of him become even clearer.

I'm praying he begins to discover more of the purpose God has for his life.

I'm praying he builds friendships that encourage him to pursue Christ long after camp is over.

And yes...I'm praying for another "light bulb" moment.

Maybe this will be one of those moments where something he's heard a hundred times suddenly becomes real.

Maybe this is the week God confirms a gift, plants a dream, or calls him to something bigger than he could ever imagine.

I know God isn't limited to one week at camp, but I also know He delights in meeting us in powerful and personal ways. I can't wait to hear what He does in our son's heart this week.

One of the things I'm most thankful for is our church.

They don't just create fun events for kids. They intentionally create spaces where the next generation can encounter Jesus, build authentic friendships, and grow in their relationship with Him.

As I watched all of those students preparing to leave, I couldn't help but think about how much I wish I'd had something like this when I was his age.

Those preteen years are so formative.

To have adults pouring into you, friends encouraging your faith, and leaders reminding you who you are in Christ is an incredible gift.

What a blessing that our son gets to experience that.

He truly is our rainbow baby.

From the very beginning, he brought so much joy, hope, and laughter into our home. Looking back over these last eleven years, I can see God's fingerprints all over his story.

Every birthday.

Every milestone.

Every challenge.

Every victory.

And somehow, that tiny little 4-pound, 2-ounce baby is growing into a young man.

As I reflected on all of this, I realized something.

Eleven years ago, my greatest prayer was simply that he would grow.

Grow stronger.

Grow enough to come home.

Today, my greatest prayer is that he continues to grow.

Not just physically, but spiritually.

That he grows in wisdom.

In character.

In courage.

In compassion.

In his love for Jesus.

And maybe that's what parenting is all about.

We spend years planting seeds, praying prayers, creating opportunities, and trusting God with what only He can do.

Sometimes we get to witness the growth.

Sometimes we simply trust it's happening beneath the surface.

Either way, we remain faithful.

Because just like that NICU nurse reminded us all those years ago...

One day the light bulb is going to click.

The same God who watched over him during those 25 days in the NICU...

The same God who strengthened him one feeding at a time...

The same God who has faithfully carried him through every season of his life...

Is the same God walking beside him this week.

And that gives this mama so much peace.

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P.S. As you pray this week, would you join me in praying not only for our son, but for every child and student attending church youth camps this summer? Pray that they encounter Jesus in a real and personal way, that lifelong friendships rooted in faith are formed, that leaders are encouraged and equipped, and that hearts are forever changed. May this generation know Christ, boldly live out their faith, discover the gifts and talents God has placed within them, and impact the world for His glory.

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